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Of Courtship, Contests, and Cattle

Some Thoughts on Heortling Romance and Marriage

Note: 'Report on the Orlanthi' in King of Sartar provides basic information on Heortling marriage, especially pages 242-43. Thunder Rebels explores Heortling kinship and clan organization (which affect marriage in a major way), and describes the aspects of Orlanth and Ernalda concerned with romance, marriage, and pleasure. A version of Orlanth's Wooing of Ernalda can be found in King of Sartar in 'How Peace Was Made' (pp. 72-73), and in Wyrm's Footprints (pg. 82).

Courtship and Marriage in Heortling Society

Marriage is Orlanth's way. Understanding Heortling marriage not only gives us an insight into how the society works, but it also offers some great role-playing opportunities involving politics, intrigue, contests, questing, status, honor, cattle... and even a little romance!

Marriage Customs

This essay concentrates on the traditional (patrilineal) Heortling clan where wives join their husbands after marriage. Remember, however, that with different clan kinship systems and seven different types of marriage, variations are common. You might find it a useful thought-experiment to follow through courtship and marriage in a matrilineal Heortling clan, or for a rich woman who plans an Esrolian marriage, or think about how such customs may come into conflict with those of your hero's clan. Remember too that since the coming of the Lunars, intermarriage with non-Heortling partners is increasingly common, sometimes with little or no regard for traditional marriage customs.

Heortling marriage is equally a union of two individuals and an alliance between two clans. Wyrded romantics can take a year-marriage or a love-match, but even these involve clan pressures. It is never wise to fall in love with someone from a rival clan! Children are the future of the clan, and marriage is partly about a clan's ownership of children. Marriage is also a way of sealing treaties or making peace, and some marriages are negotiated for these reasons alone. Heortlings strive to build close and enduring bonds, as Orlanth and Ernalda did, but do not have the 'live happily ever after' expectations that might color the attitudes of other societies. Every Heortling knows that marriage is hard.

Romantic love is a feature of Heortling courtship, but matchmaking and arranged marriages are also common. Vela the Matchmaker is an important goddess, and senior, experienced women take her role. Her worshippers advise chieftains and the Ring in making great matches, and may be consulted by bloodline elders in even the lowliest courtship. The power of these matchmakers cannot be overestimated - they are diplomats and go-betweens of the highest standing. A man or women is always free to refuse a match. ("No one can make you do anything"), but friends and family can bring enormous pressure to bear. In extremis, a matchmaker can use her magic to cool an undesirable ardor or fan the flames of another in encouragement.

Although romance and passion are acknowledged and accepted, the attitude towards marriage is also pragmatic. Heortlings ask, "Why wait until the water is boiling before you place it on the fire?" That is, no matter what you feel initially, if both partners respect each other then love and affection will follow. Marriages between older couples are more likely to be centered on politics and economic resources than on matters of heart, happiness, or offspring.

Men (well, older men!) and women understand that love grows over time, and that practical matters such as kin, property, wealth and status all help to make a marriage successful and harmonious. Young men invariably fall hopelessly and passionately in love with the first cowgirl they meet who is not kin, and pledge undying devotion and eternal love until some kind kinsman knocks them about the head to let some air in. Women are more practical and usually more reserved.

All Heortlings take marriage partners from another clan. Beyond this all-encompassing law, marriage customs differ considerably from clan to clan. For example, some clans can only take husbands or wives from a single or narrow range of partner clans. "We are the Rich Pudding Clan, we take our wives from the Pickled Walnut Clan, and our daughters marry into the Roast Turkey Clan." Most clans prefer to marry within a circle of allied clans (usually, but not always, within their own tribe). Since the invasion of Sartar, intermarriage or less formal arrangements with foreigners means that among some clans the traditional marriage customs are in disarray.

Matters other than romance can take precedence in arranging marriages. Some may be for purely ritual or mythic reasons, or be ordained between holders of certain religious positions. ("The first daughter of the Keeper of the Blue Maid Springs must always marry the first son of the Thunder Stick Man, that the land may be pure and strong.") Formal alliances and victory or defeat in battle may also be accompanied by marriage pacts. Some year-marriages may be little more than labor agreements.

Brideprice and Dowry

Brideprice may be paid to the wife's clan in any number of ways, including cattle, goods, and military or political favors. For poorer clans, there is also the possibility of bride-service, where the suitor works for the woman's bloodline for a period of time (traditionally one, three, or seven years) before marriage. The brideprice agreement will also specify an annual joint ceremony to celebrate the union and cooperation of the two clans.

Courtship

- The Man's Way

- The Woman's Way

Sex and Marriage

By contrast, marriage is monogamous and exclusive, a sacred bond upheld by law and the gods. Adultery often results in divorce or even outlawry for the offender, and always fines for his or her bloodline.

Braggi and Kandreya: A Typical Campaign Courtship

Here is a typical life progression for men and women in 'default' clans, written with campaign play and scenarios in mind. A campaign courtship provides many opportunities for trickery, questing, contests, poetry, defending honor (usually the man's), political scheming, desperately grabbing for goodies (this can be considered a euphemism for a bit of clench and wriggle in the dark!), vanquishing rivals, and the odd bit of cattle raiding!

These are our heroes:
Braggi Afraid-of-the-Dark is a typical young cattle herder of the Twin Birch clan, which is prosperous and stable though not exceedingly wealthy.
Kandreya Four Steps is a young woman of the Bluecloud clan of a neighboring tribe. Her bloodline is prosperous, her father renowned, and Kandreya herself has a special gift for curing sick cattle, so she knows she will attract a good deal of attention during courtship.

	Braggi	Kandreya
Post Initiation	Braggi's first herd and the chance to build wealth and status completely occupy his imagination. He engages in sexual fumbling and exploration, but no serious courting. His tendency to fall passionately in love (from afar) several times a season can be cured only by a serious dedication to Finovan cattle raiding.	As she grows into womanhood, Kandreya learns the secrets of wealth, fertility, and lust from her mother, female kin, and elders. She learns to evaluate young men in a cold but honest way, as well as thrilling to the occasional discrete dalliance or infatuation. Kandreya begins to assess the relative wealth and prestige of neighboring clans.
Late Adolescence	Braggi slowly builds his herds and personal wealth, goes on adventures, and makes the usual mistakes. In matters of romance, his passionate fixations, hopeless causes, foolhardy acts of bravado, and continual boasting to kin and companions may cause embarrassing moments. His comparative lack of wealth and status means that any serious offers will be laughed at. Young women will still pointedly call him "boy." With typical Orlanthi passion, Braggi's infatuated 'affairs of the heart' may come to blows over real or imagined slights.	Kandreya does her best to ensure that her family and hearth are in harmony, and spend much of her time with her female cousins discussing the merits of men in neighboring clans. She encourages flirting and male advances but is careful in her response. She may take lovers discretely. In doing so, Kandreya learns the lessons of Ernalda's courtship, and how to direct men to each of the six directions. If she decides to take an adventuring path, she may entrust her fertility to a priestess for a number of years.
Young Adulthood	With time, Braggi will gain a name or enough status and wealth to be a serious suitor (although a reputation as a murderous scourge of Lunar invaders will only prove attractive to a particular type of woman!) He will begin to talk seriously to allies about unmarried sisters or daughters, whether or not he happens to fall passionately in love with them. He will pay closer attention to suitable women at rituals and markets, and has learned that small gifts and a prosperous appearance will impress women more than foolhardy acts of boasting or bravado. He may ask the assistance of a matchmaker or a senior woman of his clan such as an older aunt. Alternatively he may depend upon the good name of his bloodline, and ask his elders' support and guidance in choosing a match that will have political advantage to his kin.	Kandreya will have realistically assessed five or six potential suitors, from promising young men only a few years older than herself to well-established older men. She is looking to a long-term match, so will closely examine her potential suitors' clans and tribes, assessing their future prospects. Going to her father and uncles, she will then allow them to 'persuade' her that these six men should be given serious consideration, for the sake of her bloodline. She will then 'grudgingly' agree to her elders' insistence that she accept these men as suitors. The suitors will then be encouraged, either directly or through the exhortation and advice of Kandreya's kin, to begin to seriously court her. Has Kandreya chosen wisely? Will any of her chosen attend? Will she show too much favor to the one she secretly dreams of? Will she make the right choice? Might she be forced to take a difficult or low status match? These are trying times!
Courtship	Braggi will be informed of a young woman of appropriate wealth and blood (Kandreya!), and will first spend some time with her brothers to gain their support before beginning his courtship. He will herd with them, or raid with them, or offer his services for the harvest or the hunt. He will then meet his lady at some public gathering or feast, but not announce his feelings until he knows with all his heart that he has made the right choice. (Typically for Braggi, this usually occurs during the first or second dance.) Braggi then proceeds to win Kandreya's heart, as Orlanth did Ernalda's. With passion, he gives stirring cattle boasts and recitations of his deeds, composes songs and poems, and sings to her beauty. With generosity, he gives gifts of lambs and calves, honey and songbirds, combs and querns, cloaks and Earthshaker teeth, to Kandreya and her kin. He displays his prowess by vanquishing all of his stickpicker, parasitic rivals in the various contests and quests set by his beloved. He proceeds confidently, enjoying the encouragement of Kandreya's brothers. (He might wonder why they seem equally supportive of his rivals - perhaps they are merely displaying polite hospitality to those lesser men.) (In some circumstances, a courtship may be private and the tests and quests largely symbolic, but every Heortling man and woman wishes their marriage to be made in the pattern of Orlanth and Ernalda.)	Kandreya's suitors will gather at her bloodline's stead, where they will provide a handy boost to the labor force for a season or two (although they do have to be fed). With the help of her kin, especially her parents and brothers, Kandreya will at first encourage all of her suitors equally, being sure not to give any sign of favoring one above the others. She will accept gifts and endure the preening and vanity of her suitors, as well as their poetry and song. Kandreya will then set quests, tasks, and contests as Ernalda did that her suitors might prove themselves to be men such as Orlanth. She must be careful that no one is excluded too soon, but as the seasons progress she will set challenges more likely to favor those she is inclined to choose. Those women especially deep in Ernalda's wisdom will make their suitors believe that they have initiated these tests and challenges themselves, to gift her in appropriate ways or to defend her reputation. None suffer, for in proving themselves the men add to their own status in deeds and story. The final days of the contests can be interesting times, as the status and political scheming of entire clans focus down upon the decision of a single woman. Suitors and their followers will lobby Kandreya's kin mercilessly, and rivals may openly challenge each other or engage in less honorable plots to dissuade the competition. When the decision is finally announced, losers must concede graciously, or there may be serious repercussions. The political and diplomatic skills of the woman and her kin are tested to the full.
Contract	Braggi has won his beloved! (Of course, this may be the third or fourth time he has been a suitor.) The required gifts were a bit rich for his liking and the contests were far more than ritual, and seemed to go on forever! Yet somehow, by luck, courage, and determination, he has won through. Some of those rivals took it very seriously! In private, Kandreya asks Braggi for a silver wedding torc, a hearth loom, and two white doves, as tradition demands. She hints at the pleasures of Ernalda's secret bower. She then entrusts Braggi with one final task: to persuade her father to give her a fitting dowry. Braggi returns to his own tula to smooth the contract with his own bloodline, and then, in company with his father, bloodline elders, and clan lawspeaker, returns to formally negotiate a marriage contract (including the brideprice and dowry) with Kandreya's elder kin. Although the clan will pay its share, Braggi will have to pay for a large part of the brideprice from his personal fortune. He may have to take gifts from senior men and women to achieve this; it may be many years before he can repay such gifts.	Kandreya has chosen the man - Braggi - who will be suitable as her husband, and in the company of her sisters and female cousins she allows herself to begin to enjoy the feelings of being in love. Braggi is a man with potential for leadership and responsibility in his own clan: gifted without being too visible, open to persuasion without being passive. Equally importantly, his clan is prosperous and honorable, and he is popular among his own kin. First, Kandreya goes to her father and brothers and persuades them that Braggi was the one they had wanted all along. She discusses what a suitable brideprice might be, and what form of marriage might be most appropriate. (Given her relatively high status, Kandreya might conceivably demand an Esrolian or Underhusband pact, but realizing the effect this would have on Braggi's status and potential for leadership in his own clan, she is happy to make contract as husband and wife.) She then announces her decision to Braggi. Kandreya then takes the final step, and for the first time allies herself with her husband-to-be against her own kin. She instructs him how he must bargain with her bloodline for a suitable dowry, and reveals some of the personal foibles of her relatives he might use to advantage in the bargaining. 'Uncle Tarful loves Elmali breeding horses; my mother's best cloak is proud but tattered at the edges.' The brideprice paid by Braggi and his bloodline will remain with Kandreya's kin as compensation for losing her, while Kandreya's dowry will be her security in her new life on Braggi's tula.
Trothing	Kandreya's chieftain takes her from her father's side, and presents her to Braggi's chieftain. The chieftain questions Kandreya on her gifts and skills, and then places her hand in Braggi's. The couple exchange vows and wedding torcs. The two clans then feast with much celebration, dancing, and ribald humor. Gifts are exchanged, vows of eternal loyalty proclaimed, and joint sacrifice offered to Orlanth and Ernalda.
Married Life	Braggi enjoys a new-found respect from his kinsmen. He is now fully a man, and will be listened to in the moot and the fyrd. He cares for his wife and listens to her advice, knowing she will produce many healthy children for his clan.	As the marriage vows are exchanged, Braggi's formal testing ends and Kandreya's begins. She must leave her family and home to journey to a new stead where she is not entirely trusted. She must submit to the tyranny of Braggi's hearthmistress [the senior woman of the stead], the casual cruelty of the other wives, and the scorn of Braggi's unmarried sisters. She must nurture and invest her dowry, build new alliances of friendship and support, and win the respect of Braggi's bloodline.

The period of testing endured by a new bride often passes quickly, but it is very real, for outsiders are accepted into the close-knit life of a stead only grudgingly. Though she may rapidly earn status and respect, Kandreya will not be completely accepted by Braggi's kin until the birth of her first child, who will belong to Braggi's bloodline and clan (in this example, anyway). This happy event will be marked by great celebration, and thereafter Kandreya may speak openly at the moot, command her junior sisters and the new wives, and even accept positions of ritual or legal power on the Clan Ring or in worship and ceremony. She might guide her husband to a position of high status, or openly gift and court influence herself. In short, she has become a full, trusted, and loved member of her husband's clan.

The time of testing can be very hard for some wives, and many divorces occur in the first hard years of marriage. Of course, if there is a woman from Kandreya's clan already living at the stead, her dislocation, loneliness, and suffering will be lessened considerably. For this reason, sisters often marry men of the same stead!

It is relatively rare for a couple to claim their own stead before their children are initiated. A typical hearth will be home to three or four generations centered on a group of brothers and their wives and children.

Deities of Love, Courtship, and Marriage

Orlanth and Ernalda offer guidance and example to men and women through every stage of their life. Heortling men are drawn to one aspect of Orlanth, and do not necessarily change this aspect as they age. However, the various aspects of Ernalda provide a changing continuum for Heortling women in each stage of life (see Storm Tribe, pages 17 and 19).

In Ernaldan Initiation, women experience the many lovers of Ernalda, the Power, Esrola, the Body, and Maran, the Action. They learn the wisdom and secrets of the ways of women with men.

In Orlanthi Initiation, men of the clan experience the youthful adventures of Orlanth as well as the courtship and marriage of Orlanth and Ernalda in the Storm Age. They receive a glimpse of the joys of married life, and also of the struggles. They learn how peace was made between men and women.

Both men and women draw inspiration and knowledge from the stories and rituals of various gods and goddesses, whether or not they formally initiate into their cults. Their stories provide guidance to the young as they prepare for marriage and the responsibilities of parenthood and adult life.

Goddesses

Esrola is the fertility of the fields and animals. Her worshippers understand the secrets of fertility and the wisdom to attract a good mate. Goose Girl is often the cult of young worshippers, the more valuable cattle and sheep being entrusted to more experienced women.

Adventurous women who are unwilling to forgo their traditional roles often worship subcults of Ernalda the Healer. Many worship Enferalda the Supporter or Bevara the Medic in their youth. Travelling as members of the fyrd or clan warband, they have opportunities to meet men of other clans not accorded to their stay-at-home sisters. In this way, they participate in battle, and so see the bravery and battle prowess of the men first-hand.

The subcults of Ernalda Allmother (especially Mahome and Orane the Steadwife) are usually adopted following the birth of a woman's first child. However, Vela the Matchmaker is of great importance to everyone involved in courtship. Those seeking match or marriage (whether for love or the strength of the clan) consult her worshippers. No one can make you do anything, but with the help of Vela, your kinfolk can be very, very persuasive. Vela is the love nurtured by kin and community, not the destructive passion of the demon Uleria.

Gods

Orlanth Adventurous embodies the Great God in his youth - a fitting inspiration for a young man exploring the ways of love. His cults provide many outlets for young men to show their worth, and a few bear special mention.

Destor the Adventurer is a wanderer - he embodies the God as he traveled without the encumbrance of home, family, or even clan. Seeing new places means going to new clans and going to new clans means meeting womenfolk who are not your cousins. One day you will find your Ernalda. And there will be much pleasure along the way...

Niskis the Lover is the subcult most suited to passionate love. However, his followers are hardly material for good husbands: they are nicknamed "stray cats." Excelling at seduction, the followers of Niskis enjoy a reputation as exquisite lovers. A woman (even a married one) might dally with such a man, but alas, they are also considered hopeless at formal courtship. (Followers of Orlanth's brother Yinkin are also known for their sensuality and lovemaking prowess, but also for their habit of falling deeply asleep immediately following the event!)

Once settled, men turn to the stories of Durev and Orlanthcarl to learn to become good providers for their families, and to Orlanth Thunderous to understand the secrets of the virile rain.

The Courtship of Orlanth and Ernalda

The myth of Orlanth's wooing of Ernalda provides a model of how a man should properly court a woman, and how a woman should judge a man's worth. In the most common versions of the myth, Ernalda is portrayed as an experienced, worldly woman rescued by her stormy suitor from Yelm's palace. Orlanth is the brash, unsophisticated barbarian confronted by a fascination and a feeling he has not felt before. Ernalda smoothes his edges and refines his abilities through a series of demands, contests, and quests that pit Orlanth against her other lovers. The two Great Deities confront each other, learn to trust, share pleasure, understand their differences, and finally find love and a way to support the other's strengths. Their progress is sometimes a stormy one, but their success is the foundation of the Storm Tribe, which changed the world.

The story is extremely popular, and is celebrated in countless songs, verses, and cattle boasts, as well as in sacred myth and ceremony.

John Hughes
Jeff Kyer
& The Hero Wars Discussion List.