April 11, 2014 at 8:37 pm #7519
Page 7: caption text should be in a colored text box? Probably not.
Page 10: caption text should be in a colored text box? Most similar illustration captions are.
Page 10: ‘Six Hells are shown’ – five are visible, but six underworld deities are listed. One seems to have two figures in it – possibly two conjoined hells?
Page 14: introduction should be in italics?
Page 14: ‘with the lower jaw under his neck’ – not in this picture.
Page 25: ‘The Arbennan live on the wide flat plain’ – suggest ‘The Arbennan live on the wide flat plains’.
Page 25: ‘The male Arbennan Walker carries a bow and arrows’ – not present in the picture.
Page 34: introduction should be in italics?
Page 45: ‘About 5% of the Fonritian population is slave soldiers’ – are?
Page 61: introduction should be in italics?
Page 65: introduction should be in italics?
Page 73: introduction should be in italics?
Page 83: introduction should be in italics?
Page 89: introduction should be in italics?
Page 89: Should ‘truestone’ be ‘Truestone’? Same is true in a few other places.
Page 97: ‘Gods Time’ should be God Time. This page should also be referenced by the Index Entry God Time on page 768.
Page 105: ‘Left:’ – Above?
Page 110: introduction should be in italics?
Page 113: suggest a reference to Appendix E in Volume 2 would be useful.
Pages 114/115/116 the references to ‘top’, ‘middle’ and ‘bottom’ are confusing because the captions all appear to relate to the copper tablets they are parallel to. If they relate to the position on the page, then they are no longer consistent with the page layout.
Page 125 – suggest a reference to Appendix G in Volume 2 would be useful.
Page 155: introduction should be in italics?
Page 159: ‘Beyond the Middle World is the Outer Realms’ should be ‘Beyond the Middle World are the Outer Realms’.
Page 160: introduction should be in italics?
Page 160: ‘Other lesser Runic powers are related to each other and connect as described’ there are several not described. Probably insufficient room. Suggest wording be altered to something like: ‘The other lesser Runic powers are related to each other as shown’.
Page 165: ‘Dwarfs’ should be ‘Dwarves’ on the map key.
Page 168: ‘Lunar sorcerers and soldiers:’ should be in bold.
Page 182: ‘great trolls’ might be ‘Great Trolls’.
Page 186: introduction should be in italics?
Page 197: introduction should be in italics?
Page 197: ‘Around a low mound topped by a pair of 13-foot-high stone plinths’ – suggest ‘Around a low mound topped by a pair of stone plinths’ as their height is given again immediately afterwards.
Page 795: Index entry truestone 89 is incomplete. Should be:
Truestone 17, 89, 121, 441, 467, 641
RICK SEZ: Fixed.April 11, 2014 at 11:13 pm #7520
Page 275 The header says Hum Chang Province, but the text says that the island of Hum Chang is divided into two provinces: Kaisan and Modaings.April 11, 2014 at 11:17 pm #7521
I might have one:
Pg 48: Tapping is the sorcerous conversion of a local manifestation of a Rune into raw magical energy, which then can be used by the sorcery to power other spells.
Should this be “sorcerer”?
I want to say how grateful I am to those who have worked so hard to make this guide so amazing.
RICK SEZ: Fixed.April 12, 2014 at 12:57 am #7522
[Text highlighted in red is a suggested change.]
– Bepalafio (small city): This city in Laskal [not italicized]
– Gargosganda: The plain between the Gargos and Rana Rivers is the richest and most densely-populated region in Fonrit.
– Vanayev (small city): This heavily-fortified city is surrounded by fruit orchards.
– In the Great Darkness, a human woman, named Elamle-ata, came to the western peninsula
– When the humans came, Elamle-ata met with the Novarooplian elf queen and asked [spaced in next paragraph, and elsewhere in chapter]
– Soon, man-eating trees accompanied by house-destroying vines
– The Season Wars were sponsored by elves, who sent armies of green elves and storm-worshiping tribes out each winter to devastate the storehouses and forts of their foes.
– In 1618, Terthinus, a violet-skinned mer-king known as the Voice of the Deep
– He wears a short tunic, dyed a bright color, and ornate sandals.
– A literate, educated, and rational man, the merchant-captain is seen reviewing some scroll or parchment (perhaps accounts or communications with a distant city).
– His hair is brown and his skin olive-colored, his beard long, and he shaves his upper lip.
– The sword is a devastatingly effective long, curved, two-handed bronze blade.
RICK SEZ: Fixed.April 12, 2014 at 1:27 am #7525
Text highlighted in red is a suggested change.]
– 14. Likstrandros of Slontos was the Lhankor Mhy sage who wrote his commentaries on Belorden’s “Harmast’s Narrative” around 550.
– Those lesser gods which came afterwards and are not shown are merely transitory; all are going to be replaced someday, as our Empire grows to even more perfection.
– Later still some claimed those images were of deities who were sexless, hermaphroditic, or able to change genders.
– This is the Staff of Priests. [seems like a proper name]
– His staff is of oak, and atop it is the Flag of Battle. This is the Staff of the Sky Army.
– began the movement of the Sky Dome.
– It is possible that these are just tribal names of the Storm and King god, or just Plentonius’ misunderstanding of our tongue.
– God of Eagles. One of the Portions of Yelm, he is also called High Flyer, Messenger of Heaven, Lord of the Above, Wings of Shining Day, and Father of Kestinaddi.
– The Lunars claim that this deity was one of the seven ancient Moon goddesses: the Goddess of the Descending Blue Moon, Great Ancestress, and incarnation of Sedenya.
– Goddess of Grandmothers and Old Women.
– Each winter she collects everything and counts it, and each spring returns what she wishes to return.
– This divine tree has many types of leaves and fruit, and even grows some creatures.
– The entire tribe of Sea Gods is entirely missing from the Gods Wall.
– Prominent are those deities who have been assigned the responsibility for agricultural matters, such as the grain harvest
– He is also called the Raiser of Hills, the Father of Mountains, the Long Runner, the Father of Kostaddi, the Spear Shaper, and the Old Hunter.
– She lives in the magical forests across the world, and has her own home in the Underworld and in the Sky.
– The realm of the dead is separated by a great gulf from the land of the living
– He is also called Fool, Liar, Hare Man, and Carrot God.
– and she was often cursed, maimed, or otherwise nearly destroyed by her foes
– As Nysalor, he was dismembered and cast apart. [following pattern of previous incarnations]
– b. Fire (Arrow Head)
– c. Shape (Meat on a Stick)
– Nonetheless, these efforts all failed and, in 1010, the great sorcerer Halwal proclaimed
– When the Blue Dragon slithered up to Kero Fin, Orlanth defeated and tamed it
– Elder Races: Many, and sometimes they mingle with celestial beings in a way not seen since this Age. [capitalized in previous sidebar where this text appeared]
– Vani: The once-bustling First City is quiet now as its few inhabitants eke out humble lives amidst its architectural wonders.
– Duravan is defended against Sshorg by many heroes and mystic sages, including the two Venfornic masters, Sivoli and Kamboli.
– It has four children: the Neliom, Senbanth, Churkenos and Slarelos Seas.
– Monsters: Malevolent monsters first appear – enemy demigods, denizens of the Underworld, or land-moving Sea monsters. [suggested, since demigods aren’t all monsters]
– Um Mountain: The Old Gods blessed their children with Death so that they may thrive in an Age of increasing danger.
– Vingkotlings … Vithalash [missing a line break between these entries]
– They built many bases around the world, all called Sogolotha (the most important is later known as Sog City).
– Wondrous Isles These amazing islands are filled with all manner of remarkable wonders from a peaceful, wise, and gifted people. [some formatting issue between these two words?]
– The Air Gods dominate the Surface World but the trolls and their dark gods emerge from the Underworld. [match style from previous sentence]
– Air: The Storm Gods dominate the world. [following usage in this Appendix, used in sense of ‘a tribe of gods’]
– Waters: After their defeat by the Storm Gods
– Monsters: Malevolent monsters first appear – enemy demigods, denizens of the Underworld, or land-moving Sea monsters.
– Neliomi Sea: This Sea god rules the waters between Genertela and Zerendel. [to follow usual pattern, for example entry for Senbanth Sea on same page]
– Top of the World: The mountainous home of the Storm Gods.
– Aided by the Storm Gods, the Vingkotlings raid and conquer many peoples far beyond their homeland and many adopt their ways.
– The Age ends with the defeat of the Storm Gods by Chaos at Stormfall and the departure of the last gods from the world.
– Basmoli: These fierce Lion People are powerful in this Age, aided by powerful Hykimi shamans.
– Sarono’s Sea god kin invaded with great armies.
– Ultimately Vadrus, an angry and wrathful god, spies Faralinthor and Esrola lying together and blasts what remains of the Sea god, leaving only a salty plain.
– The smaller was defeated by the dark warriors of the Moorgaki People, and the remnants of that defeat were then crushed again at the Battle of Sporebore.
– The Storm Gods mustered with troll allies to fight against Wakboth the Devil
– Wakboth and his army, fresh from defeating Genert, surged against the allies of the dead Earth god.
– Churanpur was part of the eastern Sky Dome but was knocked from the Sky and caused a huge tsunami. [‘Sky’ in ‘Sky Dome’ sense]
– The great Aldryami forest of Greatwood was overwhelmed and died and the elves either died or went to endless sleep throughout its haunted, rotting reaches.
– Great Tsunami: When Churanpur fell from heaven, a Great Tsunami
– Melib: When demons knocked Churanpur from the Sky, Melib was desolated
– The other Elder Races are either dying out or dead.
– The trolls fled after their Storm allies were killed.
– It would have consumed the whole world, except that Magasta led the Sea Gods to fill the Void with life-originating waters.
– The Golden Fleet defeats Debaday at sea and then invades and conquers Fozeranto itself, forcing Sshorg to release its natural power to sink most of that evil land.
RICK SEZ: Fixed.April 12, 2014 at 1:44 am #7526
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– Other travesties are more difficult to detect, concealed within the framework of society
– Through Illumination, creatures of Chaos can overcome fear and resist the soul-blasting temptations their nature impels them to submit to.
– You cannot have law without unlaw, or light without darkness, hence one must have Chaos as well,”
– The Lunar Empire puts on a brave front, but behind it lurks the terror of oblivion: the Crimson Bat, the Tax Demons, and other horrors. [‘and so forth’ often used in Guide text, might take reader out of illusion ‘I’m reading a Gloranthan document’]
– These shaggy, wiry ursidae with bloated orange heads resembling pumpkins would be rather ludicrous monsters but for their potent Chaotic power. [‘monsters’ used twice, or maybe ‘ursine humanoids’]
– Wakboth was the doorway of Chaos into Glorantha.
– In the North (the land of the Hsunchen and the Brithini) Wakboth had already destroyed many of the defenders. [Brithini doesn’t seem to fit here, since they are West (mentioned later on) … Dara Happans? Vingkotlings?]
– She still rules one of the Hells, and so part of the Underworld remains dangerous even for those dead who are protected by powerful gods. [suggestion to avoid using ‘still’ twice]
– that which was beautiful and good outside this Plane become foul and fearsome once brought to us
– /color]For additional information, please see Appendix H: Nysalor and Arkat.[color=#FF0000 [not part of the ‘Gloranthan document’, or put it as a footnote]
– Thanatar: The Severed God. The god Tien commanded a great Chaos swarm
– The village is like a normal one except that the houses, streets, and fields are covered with great fruited trees
– The priests of this Chaos god magically animate the corpses of deceased members to serve the cult
– The Chaos god Vivamort offers his cultists continued awareness in the same dead body as a vampire.
– Thus elves went to the Aldryami, dwarves to the Mostali, and so on.
– All of the Mostali underground cities are in communication with each other, mainly through long underground tunnels. [‘primarily’ used in previous sentence]
– The residents were the Temple Keepers, who practiced sacred horticulture and worshiped the goddesses of Earth.
– The city was remarkably beautiful, with many of the buildings made by Panaxles the Architect
– Nogatend: The Feathered Boats, these people lived on several large temple boats that plied the Oslira and Black Eel Rivers. [plural on map]
– When needed, the Nogatend boats became huge living loons, capable of defeating even the great Black Eel. [suggestion, since more than one temple-boat; or if only one can do this at a time (incarnating the goddess): When needed, one Nogatend boat became a huge living loon…]
– Tor Balur & Tor Vara: They practiced sacred horticulture and worshiped a local earth goddess called Balurga and her husband/son Verhil with rituals that included human sacrifice. [two occurrences of this change on page]
– In 320, the Hsunchen Serpent Beasts, their Vustri allies, and the opposing Second Council mustered their armies [suggestion to make clearer who is fighting whom]
RICK SEZ: Fixed.April 12, 2014 at 2:05 am #7527
[Text highlighted in red is a suggested change.]
– And at that moment, the perfect image of what was possible glistened within the Egg for all those assembled there to see. [capitalized elsewhere]
– They changed their shape and were painted with the sacred signs of their kinsmen. [suggestion, as kinsmen could mean snakes & turtles and the signs make them draconic stand-ins]
– Hindsight, even boosted by barbaric “truth spells”, has only given us a fragmented point of view of that ancient history
– 5. Dunzarakus. New God cultist, old in the letters which survive, who had served as a palace servant and was often in the same (very crowded) room with Nysalor
– 349-51. The three Councils of the Oak – Lokamayadon negotiates Peace between Council and Dara Happa.
– And then there were four or five Arkats, all of whom seized upon the limbs of Kwaratch Kang faster than I can tell.
– Sometimes humans ask me “What about the other Arkat, the human Arkat who disappeared just before your Arkat was born? [talking to a troll, so ‘your’ seems to fit better]
– Erzanelm received advice from his imperial advisors and friends, and finally from Yelm Himself.
– He is iconographically similar to how the Dara Happans depict Rebellus Terminus
– On the right side, within great fortifications raised by his Cry for Castles, is the meditating figure of Nysalor.
– Nysalor is defended by his enemies. [should this be ‘allies’?]
– Sheng Seleris made his the only approved method of illumination for Dara Happans, and everyone else, whether truly illuminated or merely claiming it, was to be executed.
– The Lunar Way in no way condones the worship of Chaos entities which follow the ways of Gbaji.
– But Chaotic elements are tolerated officially, and rather than knowing nothing but fear toward such monsters
– Here live too the resurrected flocks of augner, a great riding demi-bird similar to the dragonewts’ mounts.
– But up close, it is a shifting forest whose very trees and landforms may change shape while we watch.
– It is a very large and barren rocky island in the midst of which lies the Pit of Gerra. [with the ‘and’, reads better like this]
– Here live many of the women who have served the Lunar Way while in human form. [seems better, since it’s surely not all]
– The Steward of Heaven and the Hawk were both cut down trying to stop them, and the Harp was taken captive.
– The dragon sank back underground as if the earth were water, and then rose again and swallowed Tatius, who had just been wakened; Scarlet Enerian, whose last burst of magic brought a gout of black blood from the consuming monster; another regiment and a half; and a smaller part of the panicked mob.
– Orlanth’s Ring rushed across the dance floor, hacking and hewing as defenders tried to stop them or defend themselves
– After three years, the pirates returned to the Threestep Isles, where they had begun.
– Armies of broos, scorpion men, and other Chaos horrors erupted out of Snakepipe Hollow and Larnste’s Footprint to harry the Sartarites and their Kethaelan allies. [plural is broos elsewhere in Guide]
– Jar-eel especially was eager to slice her foes, and to sing them to death. [because of ‘them’ should be plural]
– They agreed to the Lightbringers’ Quest. The Lightbringers’ Quest is a magical journey or pilgrimage, wherein the participants embody the attributes of the deities who originally performed it.
– The Six-Armed demon was turned to ashes by the Sun God.
– At last dusk arrived, and the six-armed goddess of Saird was freed.
– The ever-changing face of the Lunar Empire eventually had to reveal all of its aspects.
– The desert god sent his favorite son, Yazurkial Blue Llama, to lead his warriors and brought the Shadow Dragon.
– When I marched south, the terror emanating from my Justice, as well as the splendor of my fierce weapons and my invincible army, filled the rebels with fright.
– Plate 31: This plate depicts a blue Teshnan noble with a Red Sword. An Amazon, a Teshnan Fire priest [suggested, later reference to ‘Teshnan Sun priest’]
– Teshnan Sun priests, Animal Riders, and Amazons aid the red demigod.
– Black Dragon Mountain has some twelve miles of pictoglyphs etched a foot deep into the stone. [or, ‘etched foot-deep into’]
– At the New Forest, Black Men and Blue Men cooperate to beat back an army of Broos.
– And yet, he was still Phargentes, Jar-eel’s son, whom I had fought in the service of all those years before.
– Its last pages are written in a largely indecipherable scrawl and are the subject of considerable scholarly debate.
– Campbell, Joseph. “The Masks of God” (4 vol.), “Hero of a Thousand Faces” – Campbell’s monomyth of the hero’s journey has had a tremendous influence on Gloranthan mythology.
– Lönnrot, Elias. “The Kalevala” – the great Finnish epic which, like the Iliad and Odyssey, grew out of a rich oral tradition with prehistoric roots. [missing a space]
– Stillman, Nigel and Tallis, Nigel. “Armies of the Ancient Near East” (and others by Wargames Research Group Publications) – this fantastic series for war gamers describes the warriors and armies of the ancient world.
RICK SEZ: Fixed.April 12, 2014 at 2:39 am #7528
Final comments & edits:
In this Appendix, some entries start lowercase, and some uppercase:
Burkert, Walter. “Greek Religion” – A classic on the study of ancient Greek religion.
Ferrill, Arther. “Origins of War: From the Stone Age to Alexander the Great” – a useful overview of warfare in the ancient world.
Would been nice to make them all consistent (recommend uppercase).
[‘mer-king’ used in V2 (ie, hyphenated)]
– Underneath Belintar is the Water Realm, symbolized by a Ludoch mer-chief and mer-queen.
– To humans, the sailors are the more evident, and many think of the islands as being ruled by the human admirals rather than by the mer-chief who actually rules from beneath the Troll Channel.
– by the mer-chief, and the God-King made this admiral commander of his naval fleet
– These foul, Chaotic creatures are the poor relations of dragonkind.
– They are the most numerous of all Chaotic things, and thus considered to be the leading Chaotic race.
– Scorpion men hate all things non-Chaotic.
– Scorpion men kill and devour all non-Chaotic trespassers
– and their myriad of Chaotic minions inside the depths of the Earth Temple
– Where Larnste bled, there rose up a foul and evil forest, a perfect nesting place for all things Chaotic.
– Many small sites, and less important persons, are Chaotic as well.
– It is now a festering Chaotic region populated by madmen and demons.
– But Chaotic elements are tolerated officially
[X & Y Seasons in V2, match captitalized seasons in V1]
– Storm and Sea Seasons are wet throughout the Holy Country; each Sea Season brings the warm Heler rains from the Homeward Ocean.
– Even so, the temperature often drops to below freezing in late Darkness and Storm Seasons
RICK SEZ: Fixed.April 12, 2014 at 2:47 am #7529
Not sure if these have already been reported, but…
29: Praxian Appearance, first para: Aepycamelus is capitalized, alticamelus is not.
41: Pelorian Appearance, second para: “Darra Happan” -> “Dara Happan”
Red Goddess box: The final long sentence could be split into two.
RICK SEZ: Fixed.
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