Home Forums Glorantha Glorantha Discussions The Ultimate Preview and the Kickstarter Survey

This topic contains 128 replies, has 36 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Ville Bergholm Ville Bergholm 3 years, 10 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 106 through 120 (of 129 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #7489
    Profile photo of Scott Mayne
    Scott Mayne
    Spectator

    [Text highlighted in red is a suggested change.]

    VOLUME 2

    Page 404
    – She is bare-breasted and wears loads of golden jewelry – necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and anklets.
    – His flowing beard is black and uncut. He is attired with a long sleeved-robe, tall hat, and priestly breastplate with a number of Gloranthan runes
    Soldier Caste: Riding beside the palanquin is a sturdy man of the Soldier caste. [think this paragraph is missing opening tab spacing]
    – He sports a big mustache as required by his Warrior Society. He wears scale armor over a long-sleeved tunic

    Page 405
    – A few prefectures combine several provinces and are ruled by dukes – kings in all but name – who are allowed a golden throne.
    – The horal caste is subject to the Codes of War, and many supporting combat spells require that the soldiers have not violated any of the Code (or to have been purified of any violation).
    – and the Merabids of Gilboch (who have risen to Great House status in the last century). [match bracket format used for previous houses]

    Page 407
    – He wears a bronze trefoil breastplate and a bronze sword, and carries the Dragon Staff in his right arm, making an occult gesture with his left.
    – Among the King’s Companions are Yadmov, Talar of Neleoswal, and Faraalz, Talar of Vensket.
    – There are animals participating in the ceremony as well, including moose, deer, lions, bears, four-horned water buffalo, birds, and others.

    Page 409
    – It has a hundred towers wherein live the nobles and sorcerers who lead the Empire to glory.
    – The city is famed for the offshore temple to Neleos’ divine lover
    – Its rulers were Sun-worshiping charioteers that were finally driven out by the Serpent Kings and their sorcerers in 112.

    Page 410
    – They are tall men with long beards, tall hats, and long-sleeved robes.

    Page 411
    – But his dissolute grandson, Vikard of the Games, squandered it all in extravagant martial games without a care for his descendants. [‘extravagant’ used twice in sentence]
    – Aamor now searches for the lost island of Brithos, seeking allies for his vengeance against the Seshnegi.

    Page 412
    – Porfain of the Rose, Duke of Pasos, Lord Admiral of the West

    Page 413
    – King Vikard greatly loved the tale and had two great statues of the lovers erected in the middle of the city
    – The city is heavily-fortified and is prosperous from commerce along the Tanier River.

    Page 424
    – Other leaders must make do with whatever mercenaries they can hire.

    Page 426
    – They carry long, single-edged swords that are broader at the point than at the base.

    Page 428
    – From out of nowhere, Harrek the Berserk and his Wolf Pirates strike at Teshnos

    Page 441
    – and he carries an unusual three-bladed sword, oddly-shaped throwing discs

    Page 456
    – These are called the Grisly Portions and are his Leadwood Club, the Wind Sandals, the Lionskin Cloak, and the Mask.

    Page 470
    – a race of turtle-worshiping people

    Page 475
    – To do so brings instant and total contentment, and so no one who has set foot on the continent has ever returned. [suggested to remove two ‘ever’s]

    Page 483
    – In this illustration, fierce Vormaino warriors, led by the naginata-wielding woman warrior Itagaki

    Page 492
    – The Rombotongans live on seven of the pieces; the god’s legs, arms, head, and heart. [assuming humanoid body, that’s 6 pieces]

    Page 498
    – Pregnant women must be on land to give birth to lucky children, where they are tended to by their families, and their guards.

    Page 513
    – Reports include sightings of a giant chimpanzee, a giant butterfly, a flying turtle, and other monstrous denizens.

    Page 517
    – Black Lake: This badly-polluted lake drains from the dwarf caverns and the Serpentine Fence.

    Page 519
    – The Sabbas: This poorly-explored coastland is covered by the Creeping Swamp
    – These are the blacksmiths of the dwarves, devoted to the science of war. [suggested since ‘dwarfdom’ used very next sentence]
    Dwarves are alien in temperament and personality [usual spelling]

    Page 524
    – maybe add a ‘north’ arrow pointing downwards, since map appears upsidedown based on island map

    Page 527
    The brown-skinned folk that live here are a seagoing people whose round ships ply the seas everywhere.

    Page 537
    – Worcha: This small but densely-populated island is ruled by an exiled prince from Vormain itself.

    RICK SEZ: Fixed.

    #7493
    Profile photo of Jonathan Geere
    Jonathan Geere
    Spectator

    Adding to Scott’s and Martin’s comments
    Page 409 and Page 673 Dwarfs –> Dwarves

    Page 763 Combining Dwarf and Dwarves, and adding the changes above becomes…

    Dwarf 16, 66, 81, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 89, 90, 97, 100, 135, 151, 170, 171, 179, 184, 185, 191, 197, 198, 199, 224, 227, 235, 242, 294, 388, 392, 403, 409, 424, 449, 464, 506, 515, 516, 519, 541, 574, 638, 673, 701, 706, 714

    #7494
    Profile photo of Craig Curtis
    Craig Curtis
    Spectator

    Page 254, there is no discussion/description of what the different color lines on the fish roads represent.

    RICK SEZ: We will try to create a simple legend for the map.

    #7495
    Profile photo of Jonathan Geere
    Jonathan Geere
    Spectator

    Page 409. Pasos should be in bold as the other cities.

    Page 775. Combine:
    Kanthor 68, 403, 415, 416, 421, 460, 469
    &
    Kanthor’s Islands 68, 415, 416, 421, 460, 469

    to instead just have..

    Kanthor’s Islands 68, 403, 415, 416, 421, 460, 469

    #7496
    Profile photo of jean
    jean
    Spectator

    Things I noticed
    p260 boxed text about the void
    dragon powers instead of dragonpowers
    p292 boxed text about chaos
    the Crimson Bat
    p307 Elz Ast
    stayed loyal during the Tripolis Revolt from 1/23 to 1/38 (instead of in 1/23 to 1/38)
    p438
    in the subtitle close-mouthed instead of closemouthed
    p443
    to understand the history … one must remember (instead of you must)

    RICK SEZ: Fixed.

    #7498
    Profile photo of Martin Helsdon
    Martin Helsdon
    Spectator

    Page 654: ‘Trireme:’ – suggest ‘Triremes:’ as there is more than one visible.
    Page 654: ‘This great stone throne was built in the side’ – looks to be on top of the plateau.
    Page 654: can I see Kero Fin very faintly on the right of the picture?

    Page 655: ‘Below the Sun the Red Moon is visible’ – suggest ‘Below the Sun the Red Moon would be visible’.
    Page 655: ‘It is an immense ten-tiered ziggurat with ten thousand steps leading to its summit’ – suspect this must refer to all the staircases, as at 300+ feet high, to have that many steps they’d be very small. Suspect no more than 1200+ steps have to be climbed to get to the top. Or this is Dara Happan hyperbole?
    Page 655: ‘and is nearly 350 feet wide’ – suspect this refers to its radius, as it appears far wider than the ziggurat is tall.
    Page 655: ‘There are nine statues surrounding the Footstool, but only three can be seen from this angle’ – it is possible to see seven. This renders the description of three statues incomplete. Suggest adding a statement such as: ‘Examining three of these more closely – ‘.

    Page 656: ‘It is over 8 miles tall’ – contradicts Page 175: ‘This incredible peak towers 7.5 miles into the air’.

    Page 657: – no mention of the Torch in the description?

    Page 659: ‘but visibility is limited from the storm’ might be ‘but visibility is limited by the storm’.

    Page 702: ‘The cultists have skin colors that range from dark black to blue’ – suggest ‘The dark black to blue skins of the cultists are tinted yellow by the flickering light of the oil lamps.’

    Page 704: the term ‘zombie’ is avoided elsewhere in the Guide – might be undead?
    Page 704: ‘beams of sun’ might be ‘beams of sunlight’.
    Page 704: ‘The naked but well-preserved corpses’ – the one in the illustration is clothed.

    Page 722: ‘He is iconographical similar’ should be ‘He is iconographically similar’.
    Page 722: ‘allied dragonsnail or walktapi’ – looks like a dragonsnail.

    Page 729: ‘The extent of the Windstop in 1623’ – date contradicts text which suggests 1621-1622?

    Page 731: I doubt that this map can be altered, but the campaigns shown aren’t complete: no sign of the battle between Fazzur and Kallyr at Dangerford in 1625 (The Coming Storm). As that was a major event it should be shown?

    Page 733: The illustration of the Dragonrise is numbered but lacks a key.
    Page 762: The Dragonrise Index entry should include page 733.

    Page 739: ‘Yara Aranis The Six-Armed Goddess of the Reaching Moon first fought against Argrath as the guardian of the Lunar borders and later served him during the Hero Wars as the six-armed goddess of Saird.’
    I believe someone has previously noted that the picture only shows four arms, and if the text on this page is altered to read four arms then the following will require modification:

      Page 738: ‘Goddess of Six Arms’
      Page 740: ‘At last dusk arrived, and the six armed goddess of Saird was freed.’
      Page 740: ‘Even though he was stripped of his guardians Sheng Seleris was no weakling, and now the goddess is known as the goddess of six arms and four hands.’
      Page 768: Goddess of Six Arms 738
      Also note the usage ‘six-armed’ in the caption and ‘six armed’/’six arms’ in the text.

    Page 743: Suggest, if space permits, an empty line between the text in italics and Plate 30 text.

    Page 746: ‘A Man carrying a sword, a woodsman’s axe, and casting sorcery couples with the Snake Goddess and receives the Serpent Crown from three kingdoms. Stone Men guard the scene.’ Might ‘from three kingdoms’ be ‘of three kingdoms’?

    #7501
    Profile photo of Robin Mitra
    Robin Mitra
    Spectator

    Page 51 describes Jeff Laubenstein’s Wizard on the page before as a Doraddi. To me he looks more like a Wareran.

    #7502
    Profile photo of Martin Helsdon
    Martin Helsdon
    Spectator

    The Index entry for Lucan (page 778) is incomplete (doesn’t catch instances of lucan). Should be:

      Lucan 500, 501, 512, 618

    Similarly Myrmidon is incomplete. Should be:

      Myrmidon 501, 506, 512

    Page 509: ‘His skin is dark, and his hair and beard are short’ – no hair or beard is visible – he doesn’t have a beard.

    Page 513/514 – no caption. Perhaps none is required.

    Page 519: ‘Dwerulan usually use spears’ – Dwerulans?
    The following are all missing from the Index:

      Dwerulans 519
      Molucca 519
      Sokazub 519
      Surutrans 519
      Swems 519

    Page 535: picture lacks a caption?

    Page 566: ‘Rikas Seas’ – The Rikas Sea should be added to the Index:

      Rikas Sea 566

    Page 586: ‘Exigers are one of the more important sources of miners and metal in the region.’ Suspect ‘miners’ should be ‘minerals’.

    Page 593: repeated use of ‘surprisingly’ in art caption – suggest one becomes ‘astonishingly’ or similar.
    Page 593: ‘The Kresh women wear colorful cotton skirts and paint their faces and torsos with magical symbols. Their women are famed for their heavy jewelry – necklaces, wrist bracelets, ankle bracelets, and earrings – made of gold, beads, and precious stones – to display their status.’ This reads oddly. Suggest ‘Their Women’ might be ‘They’.

    #7503
    Profile photo of Ville Bergholm
    Ville Bergholm
    Spectator

    5: Mythos & History is listed as a subsection of Time in Glorantha. “The World of Time” does not appear in the Table of Contents.

    7: map: Lunar Empire -> Peloria? (other names are geographical, not political)

    18: left col, first para: “widespread Gloranthan cultures” -> “widespread Gloranthan human cultures”?

    139: The Closing and the Sundering: Godlearners -> God Learners

    165: map key: the word “key” seems unnecessary due to the blue box on the right
    small city should be 500 – 6K, en-dashes should be used instead of hyphens

    402: left col: Lhankor My -> Lhankor Mhy

    404: Rokari Castes: indentation of the caste names is inconsistent.
    left col, first para: blossum -> blossom
    right col, first para: Soldier -> soldier?

    439: A View from the Paps:
    Stormwalk Mountain: “white -capped”, hyphen should be on the previous line
    “bigger than the others -“, hyphen should be an em-dash

    440: Praxian Warriors: left col, first para: Man Runes -> Man runes, “with gear is” -> “with gear”
    right col, first para: “strike down as foes” -> “strike down at foes”

    Appendix E: “Godlearner Maps” -> “God Learner Maps”?

    684: right col: Line feed missing before Vithalash
    687: middle col: “Moorgaki People” -> “Moorgarki People”

    #7504

    Lesser Elder Races

    P. 106: Broos: Description: “[Broos] are a warped Chaos species, … “

    P. 107: Culture: “In numbers and power, [broos] are the strongest of the Chaos folk. [Broos] are by nature (and the number of [their] enemies) a nomadic species; there are no broo cities. Sometimes, however,  [broos] take over habitations… “

    P. 108: Newtling: “However any connection is remote, as the species is [primarily] amphibian rather than reptilian, … “

    P. 108: Newtlings: Subtypes: “Newtling [youngs] are like giant tadpoles, … “

    P. 108: Ogres: Mythos and History: “At least one Malkioni sect [holds] that they are part of the original race of humans, … “

    P. 109: Wind Children: Culture, Life, Government: “Nuclear family groups […] live in their own nests.” “… and [the] young are always born in early spring.”

    #7507
    Profile photo of Ville Bergholm
    Ville Bergholm
    Spectator

    Errinoru Jungle
    ===============
    541: left col, first para: “and/or” -> or
    Culture: should be all in one paragraph

    544: Pygmies box, second para: Jungles -> jungles

    Fonrit
    ======
    551: box: “Golden One,” -> “Golden One” (remove comma)
    562: Fonritian Bazaar: Blue-skin slave: two hyphens should be em-dashes: “Sorceress – his”, “slave – if”

    Jolar
    =====
    574: Description: “Kalali Labuhan” -> “Kalali, Labuhan” (add comma)
    575: Jolar Regional Activity box: “Shamans contest” -> “Shamans’ contest”
    586: middle col: “God Learners scholars” -> “God Learner scholars”
    right col, second para: interned -> interred

    587: Hsunchen box: intro: “Hsunchen people” -> “Hsunchen peoples”

    #7509
    Profile photo of Jonathan Geere
    Jonathan Geere
    Spectator

    Page 691
    Moorgaki –> Moorgarki (this is in addition to ville’s earlier eagle eye spot)

    Page 780 Change
    Moorgaki People 687, 691
    to
    Moorgarki People 687, 691

    #7511

    p. 454, Header of the Box. typo. “Fall of Pavis” with a capital F

    RICK SEZ: Fixed

    #7513
    Profile photo of Martin Helsdon
    Martin Helsdon
    Spectator

    General: in some art notes the introductory paragraph is in italics; in others, such as on page 410, they are not.

    Page 404: ‘He’s about’ – suggest ‘He is about’.

    Page 426: figures not numbered; probably not necessary?
    Page 426: ‘The High Priest-General of Teshnos: Dressed in the same style as the High Priest-King’ – no he isn’t – seems to not be wearing a tunic.
    Page 426: ‘breach cloth’ should be ‘breach-cloth’.
    Page 426: ‘They carry spears and small round shields’ – no shields visible.
    Page 426: ‘Elite sword warriors: These warriors are dressed similar to the axe warriors’ should be ‘Elite sword warriors: These warriors are dressed similarly to the axe warriors’.

    Page 439: ‘Beyond the Block (about 55 miles)’ – suggest ‘Beyond the Block (about 55 miles away)’ or ‘Beyond the Block (about 55 miles distant)’.
    Page 439: the Red Moon is visible but not mentioned – probably insufficient space to do so.

    Page 440: “neck sheaf” – suspect this should be “neck sheath”.
    Page 440: ‘which he uses to harass the Sable rear guard’ – suggest this might read ‘which he used to harass the Sable rear guard’ as his mount looks to be dying.
    Page 440: ‘rear guard’ should be ‘rearguard’.

    Page 464: ‘They are propelled by screws moved by slaves who run along conveyer belts deep inside the ship.’ The picture shows a Dwarf ship with paddle wheels.
    Page 464: ‘conveyer’ should be ‘conveyor’.

    RICK SEZ: Fixed.

    #7516
    Profile photo of Martin Helsdon
    Martin Helsdon
    Spectator

    General: format of art captions varies: sometimes the introduction is in italics; sometimes the subsequent ‘main text’ starts with an indent.

    Page 215: introduction might be in italics?

    Page 220: introduction might be in italics?
    Page 220: ‘They carried long, two-handed spear’ should be ‘They carried long, two-handed spears’.

    Page 236: ‘The King of the Gods holds the reins of the Sun Stallion in his left hand and carries the mighty Thunderbolt in his right hand’ – no, the reins are in his right hand and the thunderbolt in his left.
    Page 236: ‘She wears a vest that exposes her breast’ – breasts.
    Page 236: ‘He carries a skinny trident’ – possibly a thin trident?

    Page 239: ‘The picture is divided in five “realms”’ – suggest ‘The picture is divided into five “realms”’.
    Page 239: ‘To his right, the Earth Goddess Ernalda blesses Belintar’ – to *his* left. ‘To his left are representatives’ – to *his* right.

    Page 250: ‘in endless necklaces and rings’ – suggest ‘in numerous necklaces and rings’.

    Page 259: no caption?

    Page 267: ‘the later part’ – perhaps ‘the latter part’?

    Page 273: ‘the various waterwheels. Various small manikins’ – suggest ‘the various waterwheels. Several small manikins’.

    Page 306: introduction should be in italics?
    Page 306: ‘while in the background a Lunar priestesses offers prayers and dances before the idol of the Red Goddess’ – suggest: ‘whilst nearby a Lunar priestesses offers prayers and dances before the idol of the Red Goddess’.
    Page 306: ‘She wears a silver tiara decorated with images of the Red Goddess’ – cannot see it in the picture.

    Page 315: introduction might be in italics?
    Page 315: ‘In her left arm she holds a bundle of maize and in her right hand carries a bronze sickle dripping blood’ – only from the viewpoint of the viewer. Suggest this should read: ‘In her right arm she holds a bundle of maize and in her left hand carries a bronze sickle dripping blood’.
    Page 315: ‘The queen of the Redland Horse Tribes holds her hands in an attitude of prayer and devotion towards Hon-eel’ – no, she is holding the reins of her horse.

    Page 328: should the Bat have a caption?

    Page 343: introduction should be in italics?
    Page 343: Should the Ralzakark paragraph commence with an indent?

    Page 347: The first non-italic text should not be indented as it is a commencing paragraph?
    Page 347: ‘They bore heavy thrusting spears, and bore large shields of ox hide and wood’ – suggest ‘They bore heavy thrusting spears and large shields of ox hide and wood’.

    Page 349: ‘Buserian gave humans the first script to help mankind learn the measure of the heavens’ – suggest ‘Buserian gave humans the first script to help mankind measure and catalogue the heavens’.
    Page 349: ‘Twentyseven Carvers’ should be ‘Twenty-Seven Carvers’.
    Missing from the Index:

      First Speaker 349
      Twentyseven Carvers 349 [Twenty-Seven Carvers 349]

    Page 354: ‘The Pralori don’t make’ – suggest ‘The Pralori do not make’.
    Page 354: ‘The Pralori have dark reddish hair, and dark brown skin color’ – suggest ‘The Pralori have dark reddish hair, and dark brown skin’.
    Page 354: ‘It is built in a lagoon over seven marshy islands and is crisscrossed with canals. Thousands of stilt houses sit atop marshy islands, with canals between them all. The canals are crossed by bridges and so forth’.
    Suggest: ‘It is built in on seven marshy islands in a lagoon, crisscrossed with canals. Thousands of stilt houses sit atop the islands, separated by the canals which are crossed by numerous bridges’.

    Page 372: the Pentan horse nomad’s – suspect this might be: the Pentan horse nomads’?

    Page 376: ‘under her domination’ – suggest ‘under her dominion’.
    Page 376: the order of the Arkats doesn’t seem to reflect the order of the arms in the picture, but perhaps the heads in left to right order? Not certain it matches the order of the heads either.

    Page 378: ‘ornate red and white takchita’ – it looks red and gold.
    Page 378: ‘bracelets, necklaces’ should be ‘bracelets and necklaces’.
    Page 378: ‘inside of the Law Rune’ – suggest ‘inside a Law Rune’.

    Page 398: ‘stone age’ elsewhere ‘Stone Age’.
    Page 398: ‘tattoos of animals or of geometrical shapes and lines’ – suggest ‘tattoos of animals or geometrical shapes and lines’.
    Page 398: ‘atatl’ should be ‘atlatl’, though ‘spear-thrower’ might be used instead.

    RICK SEZ: Fixed.

Viewing 15 posts - 106 through 120 (of 129 total)

The topic ‘The Ultimate Preview and the Kickstarter Survey’ is closed to new replies.

Powered by WordPress. Designed by WooThemes